On a recent episode of The Ramsey Show, Trey, from Houston, had a confession to make: he’s been hiding how much debt he has from his girlfriend.
They’ve recently been discussing marriage and he wasn’t sure how he could tell his girlfriend that he was hiding the $2,000 of debt he racked up in just two weeks (1). That’s on top of the $2,000 debt he had that she already knew about.
Co-hosts Jade Warshaw and Rachel Cruze were unclear on why Trey had lied — and how he doubled his debt so quickly.
Trey explained he had just moved into an apartment and the furniture he used previously was loaned from family, so he quickly had to outfit an entire apartment, confessing he felt embarrassed to tell his girlfriend. “I didn’t really want to tell her that I just did this, because she’s going to tell me, ‘Hey, why did you do that? You didn’t need to do that, we could figure something out.’”
Trey made a second confession to Cruze and Warshaw: he and his girlfriend are both listeners of the show and he was certain she would be listening and finding out about the lie in real time.
“This is like Maury,” Warshaw joked. “Why did you make it like this, Trey?” she laughed.
The hosts first advised Trey that he needed to pay down the debt as soon as possible and cut up his credit card. Cruze said that in a situation where you feel like you need to urgently solve a problem by spending money, it is always wise to first pause and think things through.
“The debt industry loves you when you’re urgent,” Cruze said.
“They find you in crisis,” Warshaw agreed.
Cruze said there is always another option and advised that Trey could’ve sought out less expensive options for furniture, or waited to make cash purchases instead of going into debt, since he has a decent salary of $50,000 a year.
The other half of the equation, the hosts said, was learning to establish healthy communication with your partner — especially when you’re considering taking that next step to get married.
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“Trey, this is an example of just learning that communication pattern. You had a feeling about not telling her, you didn’t tell her, but then even still you came on the show as a strange way of telling her. I would just want to encourage you in the future, just if this is a person you love, you trust — go to them and tell them the truth,” Warshaw said.
Cruze agreed: “Starting off marriage with hiding the pots and pans, Trey, we don’t want to do that. We don’t want to get in that habit. Because genuinely, secrets … that erodes trust so fast.”
Learning to be open and honest about financial decisions can be one of the most important skillsets you develop in a long-term relationship.
According to a Ramsey Solutions survey, financial issues are the No. 1 thing that couples fight about — and the No. 2 reason couples divorce (2).
The survey also found that couples who discuss money regularly are more likely to say that their relationship is “great.” Communication allows you to get on the same page with your partner. It’s unlikely, no matter how great your relationship is, that you and your partner will agree on every single financial decision. But, if you are able to talk about it, that opens the door to compromise.
Cruze, in an article for Ramsey Solutions, writes that financial compatibility is something important to keep in mind when you’re building a relationship (3). Cruze says it’s important to discuss your financial goals and outlook, ideally before you walk down the aisle.
If you and your partner are often at loggerheads about finances and you think you might not be compatible when it comes to money, working with a relationship counselor can help you learn how to manage your different viewpoints and build communication skills.
Lying about finances — as Trey did — whether it’s purchases you don’t disclose, or hiding a credit card or a financial account — even income, is financial infidelity. While you might not think keeping a secret purchase is a dealbreaker, lying about financial decisions can deeply impact trust in a relationship.
As the Ramsey Show co-hosts advised Trey, it’s important to come clean with your partner. A $2,000 debt like Trey’s could quickly snowball if it was incurred with a high-interest credit card or a buy now, pay later plan.
Making only minimum payments on a debt like this can result in the initial purchase costing you hundreds or thousands of dollars, the longer you let the interest accrue. If you have a debt like Trey’s, the best course of action is to pay it down aggressively and avoid adding any other debt in the meantime.
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The Ramsey Show (1); Ramsey Solutions (2; 3)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
