Jenny in Atlanta and her husband are in a tough spot, she told The Ramsey Show. She and her husband have around $50,000 in debt — $20,000 in credit card debt alone and another $30,000 in car loans and other consumer debt, including medical and IRS debt.
“My husband and I are getting a late start,” she says. She’s 45 and he’s 51, but they still rent and they haven’t saved anything for retirement. This is despite Jenny working three jobs, her husband working two — and the couple bringing in about $7,500 a month.
With a young daughter and no plan, Jenny asked The Ramsey Show hosts Jade Warshaw and Ken Coleman for moral support and guidance to help her see the path out towards financial independence (1).
This isn’t a case of financial infidelity, Coleman clarified.
“Like, we’re trying to get our money right, but we’re trying to get everything else right in our life at the same time,” Jenny confessed.
Life feels overwhelming when you feel a load of debt weighing you down. She told the hosts that she and her husband are going to counseling to get on the same page, but they still feel far apart in terms of their priorities.
The most painful part for Jenny is her realization that she didn’t see the full picture of her situation until recently. Her husband has been the one swiping the card and managing day-to-day spending and he hasn’t always been transparent about what he’s doing.
They both know they need to attack the debt hard, but the little expenditures on eating out — something that brings them together — are getting in the way of their bigger goal of becoming debt free.
The root of her money anxiety is her husband’s lack of urgency to address their lifestyle creep (also known as lifestyle inflation) and get back in the black. That mismatch in urgency is why they are still stuck in the same place despite a decent income. One partner is all-in on financial freedom, while the other can’t get unstuck from bad habits.
Read More: The average net worth of Americans is a surprising $620,654. But it almost means nothing. Here’s the number that counts (and how to make it skyrocket)
Money is one of the top sources of conflict for couples.
Federal research on family stability has found that budgeting, spending, debt and savings are major flashpoints. Programs that focus on helping couples communicate better about money can improve both financial and relationship stability (2).
When one partner is focused on getting debt free and the other keeps spending, every purchase has the potential to become an argument. Studies of couples show that persistent money fights are linked to lower relationship quality and a higher risk of separation, especially when the fights involve debt and day-to-day bills (3).
Financial compatibility does not mean both people have identical habits. What matters is that they agree on the big things. That includes how quickly to pay off debt, how much to save for emergencies and retirement and what lifestyle is realistic for their income. Research has found that couples who talk openly about these issues, set shared goals and work as a team are more satisfied and feel less financial stress, even when money is tight (4).
Jenny and her husband’s problem is not just the $50,000 they owe, it’s the lack of shared ownership over their finances. “He’s not as gung-ho as I am,” she says, “but he’s getting there. He kind of kept the debt from me and we’re trying to live correct right now in every area possible.”
She feels like the responsible one who has to push for change. He acts like things are mostly fine and the debt can wait. That gap in understanding is what the hosts are really trying to close.
Getting out of a mess like this requires both partners to change, not just the worried one who makes the phone call. When Jenny says she is prioritizing spending $1,000 per month on couples counseling, Jade and Ken are fully supportive. “I want to protect [that expense] at all costs,” says Ken, who knows how important it is to invest in a relationship.
For couples who are in Jenny’s situation, there are a few simple steps that will start you down the path to financial independence. First, you need to sit down and make one full financial disclosure. That means printing every statement for credit cards, loans, bank accounts and any small buy now, pay later balances.
Both of you need to sit at the same table and review the total picture. This step is especially important when one spouse has been spending without the other’s knowledge. You cannot heal what you won’t — or can’t — look at.
Second, you should agree on a short, simple list of shared goals. Build a $1,000 starter emergency fund. Pay off non-mortgage debt as quickly as possible, then save three to six months of expenses in cash for an expanded (but still basic) emergency fund. Shared goals move the conversation from “you spend too much” to “how can we reach this target together.”
Third, create a written, zero-based budget that both sign off on every month. In a zero based shared budget, every dollar of income is assigned a job, from rent to groceries to a specific number for fun money and date nights. This method is a cornerstone of The Ramsey Show — because it works.
There’s a lot one person who is determined can do. There’s a lot more that two people working together in harmony can accomplish. That’s the ultimate lesson: United we stand.
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
@TheRamseyShow (1); GovInfo (2); National Library of Medicine (3); NC State University (4)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
