Mary called The Ramsey Show from New York City to get advice on a marital dispute involving a new truck.
She told co-hosts Jade Warshaw and George Kamel that she and her husband pull in a total $170,000 a year. They’ve worked hard to become debt-free, fund their Roth IRAs every month and set money aside for their children’s college funds in 529 savings plans (1).
Now Mary’s husband wants them to go back into debt so he can get a new truck. But Mary wants to wait so they can buy the truck debt-free in a year, saving along the way.
Warshaw praised the couple’s achievements becoming debt-free.
“He’s lost perspective on what you’ve accomplished and what it allows you to do that is so much different than the average American,” she added.
Warshaw and Kamel quickly zeroed in on the issue. It’s not about whether Mary and her husband can afford the new vehicle; it’s about his attitude towards the purchase.
“We all want a brand new car tomorrow,” Warshaw said. “But there’s this adult part of us that says that’s not the way the world works.”
Here’s what Warshaw and Kamel advised, along with the importance of making financial decisions that are mutually beneficial in a relationship — to avoid marital conflict.
Kamel noted that a family should have no more than half their household income invested in vehicles.
He recommended that Mary and her husband sell his existing car and use the proceeds to buy a nice used truck.
Mary was thinking the same thing, but he’s still insisting they buy a more expensive truck now, which means going back into debt. This highlights how they are not aligned on money matters.
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This is all too common. In 2024, an Ipsos poll revealed that 34% of partnered Americans find money is a source of conflict in their relationships, and 37% say their partner spends too much money on impulse purchases (2).
However, these disagreements about shared finances are usually a sign of deeper conflicts in a relationship — including issues with communication and lack of shared values.
But carrying debt and struggling financially can add unnecessary stress to a relationship, especially if a couple doesn’t share the same financial outlook and goals.
While Warshaw and Kamel acknowledged the conditions that can cause big savers to want to become big spenders, they also warned about the risks of taking on debts after a period of financial wellness.
“It’s this fatigue that sets in and it makes you mad,” said Warshaw. “You’ve done so many things right, but you’re still not at whatever you think the finish line should be. You think, I deserve that. I work hard… but that is such a dangerous place to be.”
“I’m not mad at your husband. But I do want to stop him from doing something that I think he’s actually gonna regret.”
Impulse spending is such an issue in relationships because these big-ticket purchases can not only derail budgets, but can divert money from your emergency fund, and accidents or unexpected bills can happen at any time.
In most cases, the risk is not worth the reward, and impulse spenders can learn the hard way when the consequences of their purchase come back to bite them.
With wealth-building as a major goal and a shared value, Mary and her husband should focus on staying out of debt for any purchases that are wants, not needs.
Moreover, major purchases should be mutual decisions in a relationship. Certified Financial Planner Alina Narr offers the following tips for couples who need to get on the same page about their financial priorities (3):
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Schedule regular money talks. This should include immediate plans, like a monthly budget, and long-term goals like retirement, college funds and other future decisions.
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Get clear on your goals and values. These money talks should uncover how you each view the role of money in your life, and help you find the attitudes you have in common, and where you differ.
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Spending vs. saving. Narr says it’s common for one partner to be a spender, and the other a saver. Neither approach is wrong, but couples in this situation must establish ground rules so both parties feel respected.
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Ask for help. A party like a financial advisor or couple’s therapist who specializes in money matters can help couples who have reached a deadlock in their negotiations, and get you back to working as a team.
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The Ramsey Show (1); Ipsos (2); EP Wealth Advisors (3)
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
