Money, religion, and politics: They’re the three topics you’re not supposed to discuss over dinner. But if you’re preparing to get married, following this advice can lead to much bigger problems than a ruined meal.
As a financial educator and former NFCC-certified credit counselor, I’ve seen firsthand how the lack of communication about money can tear households apart. In fact, 38% of divorcees report that financial disagreements were the main reason for their split.
So if you’re preparing to get married, it’s crucial to get comfortable discussing money with your partner as soon as possible. Here are my top eight questions to help get the conversation started.
Don’t assume you know everything about your partner’s money or property. While you don’t have to hand over 50% of all your assets to each other when you get married, it’s good to have transparency about them up-front. That includes:
If you plan to combine finances, you can share key details like bank names and account numbers with one another. You can even add your future spouse to your accounts as a beneficiary.
2. Do you have debt, and how do you plan to pay it off?
Hiding debt from a partner can be disastrous for a marriage. One survey found that 68% of people consider it to be “financial infidelity” and 38% say it’s grounds for divorce.
So before you get married, make sure you’re transparent with each other about your debt. I strongly suggest reviewing your credit reports together to ensure nothing is overlooked. You can pull them from AnnualCreditReport.com for free.
If you’re having trouble understanding your credit reports, or you need help finding a strategy for debt payoff, reach out to an NFCC-certified credit counselor for guidance.
Your spouse’s credit scores can have a huge impact on your financial future. For example, if you plan to buy a house together, each of your credit scores will help determine whether or not you qualify for a mortgage.
For most people, the easiest way to see your free credit scores is through one of your credit card issuers or your bank. If you don’t have access through those avenues, consider signing up for free score monitoring at MyFICO.com. Other free versions of your scores are also available through Experian and TransUnion.
4. What are your habits when it comes to spending and saving?
When married couples were asked which financial topics they argued about the most, the top answer was spending habits (53%), followed by impulse buying (47%) and failure to save money (35%), according to a survey by Western & Southern Financial Group.
So if you want a more peaceful marriage, it’s essential to have some honest, up-front discussions about your spending and savings habits. This includes details such as:
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Attitudes on spending versus saving
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Differences and similarities between your habits
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How you decide when a purchase is worth the money
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Savings goals you’re working toward (or want to work toward)
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Non-necessities you get the most enjoyment out of
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Major purchases you’re planning to make, such as property
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How much of your paycheck(s) you want to save or invest
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Expectations for each other’s spending once you’re married
Keep in mind that many people’s habits are driven by emotions and personal experiences. For that reason, I recommend learning how your partner’s past shapes their approach to money management. For example, you may find that your fiancée is afraid of spending money on non-necessities because she had a parent who was financially irresponsible.
When you get married, there’s a good chance your spouse’s family will influence your finances. For example, you may find that your spouse often gives money to his parents, that he relies on a sibling to dig him out of financial trouble, or that he picks up the whole bill for family outings.
Before getting married, it’s important to discuss your expectations about involving your family members in your finances, and possibly even set some new guidelines together.
Prenuptial agreements, or prenups, have grown increasingly popular in recent years, with nearly half of all couples now signing them before marriage.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to follow the trend. But as a financial educator, I would strongly advise that any engaged couple consider putting together one of these contracts.
While some people argue that getting a prenup is like planning to get divorced, the reality is that setting up a prenup helps you better understand each other’s financial expectations, fears, and goals, which can strengthen your marriage.
Many people feel there is a right or wrong way to go about combining finances in marriage. But the truth is, it’s completely up to you and your future spouse. You may even decide to change your approach several times during your marriage.
With that said, it’s crucial that you make a clear decision together about whether or not to combine your bank accounts, keep them separate, or open a joint bank account for certain expenses. Making that decision up front can help prevent confusion, disagreements, and financial errors.
Read more: How to merge finances with your spouse after getting married
As a married couple, you’ll naturally have shared expenses, such as utilities and rent or a mortgage payment. Who should pay the bills, buy the groceries, or cover the check at restaurants? That’s for you two to decide together.
I’ve seen many couples disagree on what’s fair, with gender roles often complicating the issue. So I often recommend trying out a few different options to see what fits. Whatever approach you decide on, make sure to write down a full list of the expenses and determine who will cover each one.
